Balance is Everything
Monday morning on my way to work I was in a car accident. Airbags deployed, smoke and glass all over. Luckily, I wasn't hurt nor was the other driver. My car was completely totaled. I saw this as a huge annoyance and another frustration in my life. I ignored the instant nausea I felt once I was hit by the airbags and impact. My brother picked me up and brought me to work and I focused on leases and paperwork and not my headache or how it hurt my eyes to focus on the computer. The next day I spent buying a car with the help of my best friend's father. Driving around in a rental car, getting bank statements, doing test drives, filling out paperwork all kept me busy but the nausea persisted. The "off" feeling was still there. My eyes and head hurt but I was determined. I got the car and once I got home, the ache and nausea became too much. In two days, I was too stubborn to go to doctor's, thinking I was fine and I needed to get back to work and get a car. The third day I woke up, sore and the nausea was stronger than ever. I finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a minor concussion.
It all made sense and I realized how focusing on my health is the most important. My anxiety has all been present in my life and when I didn't take care of it correctly, it would spiral out of control. In my early twenties, I tended to sooth my nerves with alcohol. It wasn't an everyday thing, my social situations with alcohol became problematic. I absolutely became a binge drinker in order to calm my nerves. Once I got back on track and realized it was only worsening my anxiety, it was easier to cut it out of my life. I can enjoy a drink or two without the idea of drinking too much looming over me. Exercise has become a great outlet for me - it lessens my stress and my restlessness. I also know that having an eating disorder in the past that losing weight can become addictive for me. I've had to learn that life is all about balance. It's work and play, it's dessert but it's all eating carrots too. It's taken me awhile and sometimes life gives me tests to remind me balance is everything.