I moved recently and as I get settled into my new place, decorate it as I like while listening to music I often think of all the paths it took me to get here. I love my new place, it’s charming and full of character and is the first apartment I had on my own that truly feels like “home”. Each room has it’s own charm.
Moving is stressful. The days leading up to the move, I felt excited but also an array of other emotions. I thought back to the feeling I had in the spring where I was so excited to be moving in. Now I was thanking every star in the sky that I was moving out. I do remember clearly how I felt looking at the apartment for the first time. I thought it was so cute, all perched on the second floor overlooking a courtyard. I was ready to move on my own after having a roommate and after the separation and dissolution of my marriage. I was excited for this new chapter and with the promise of summer in the air it all felt just so right.
It could have been that way, but it ended up being all so wrong. Now this apartment came to represent my heavy heart. When I closed the door finally, my head swirled with a montage of memories.
I look at this new chapter as a fresh beginning in my loft in my favorite seaside nook. Through times of darkness and sadness there was always a light and I love being in it. I learned so much this year, and have thought so much about each lesson and reminder as I pack and unpack. The year is almost over and as I take inventory on my life, I feel good. I’m grateful.
I learned there are people who will judge you before knowing you, your story, your side. They don’t care about you or your heart. Hurt people hurt people.
I learned there are moments in life that feel passionate and magic and perfect but if it’s with people who are careless with hearts then you question everything even those moments. It was all summer sparkle. I remember certain things like walking up my stairwell at night and feeling scared because it was dark and I felt someone coming up the stairs, rapidly toward me. When I turned around I remember what you said. Those little moments that turn into memories you try and shake off like dust or sand. Those memories you don’t think of anymore until you take a nap and have a dream and wonder why it can’t all go away. As I saw on pinterest, “It just takes time, baby”.
I was reminded the power of friendship, of a helping hand, of a good conversation. When I moved out, my friends helped pack up and move me in to my new place. My friend Kate stayed even after everyone left. We ended up sitting at my kitchen table, talking and laughing. That had to be one of my favorite memories of the year. We were drinking baby champagnes and it was all introspection and laughter and thinking to myself, I’m so lucky I have friends like this.
I learned the closed doors I ran into were absolute blessings.
I was reminded to walk in light and there are some really, really good people out there. I was reminded if you want a life of love and happiness you got to put in the work. You have to put out the energy and a pure heart and intentions. “Anything worth having is worth working hard for”
I was reminded of how my mom would always tell me of the bible passage (and song lyrics) “To everything there is a season”. Now I really understand that, deeply.